I know I rarely discuss personal topics here on Strange & Charmed, but I have really been wanting to talk to you, the internet and my readers, about a subject that has given me a little bit of grief over the past year. You probably don’t know many specifics of my life unless you are a friend of mine in real life or follow me on a few different social media feeds, but last November I got married and since then I have yet to change my last name to match my husbands. It wasn’t something I intended not to do, but the whole situation started out of necessity for me and has now turned into something else entirely. Let me tell you the story.
So, after I returned from my honeymoon at the end of November 2012, I was immediately informed that I had been given a promotion to a job I had applied and interviewed for a few months earlier. Initially, I was worried that if I changed my name right when I accepted my new position, that people within my company and clients that I had developed relationships with may not know who I was if they suddenly saw a new name and a different title on my email signature. So, I decided that it was best for my professional life if I kept my last name until everyone I worked with on a day-to-day basis and all my customers knew who I was and all about my new role.
Then of course, once I returned to work for a few weeks, I began to get questions from co workers and of course family members as to what my new last name was. “I don’t have a new last name,” I would respond, but their questions really bothered me. Why did people expect that a woman would just go ahead and change her name just because she got married. This is 2013 for heaven’s sake (or 2012 as the case may be!), a woman can be a single mother, have a professional career, go to space, why does she immediately have to change her name just because she got married. I was even accused by a co-worker of not being committed to my marriage because I wasn’t interested in changing my name. Seriously? I am pretty sure couples with the same last name get divorced all the time! What is with all this unnecessary pressure?
So, I started thinking about whether or not I was going to change my last name and when I would do it. I had a few friends who were also married around the same time as me and by the time they returned from their honeymoons they were already using a new surname. Why did these bright professional women want to give up their name so easily? Hadn’t they worked hard to give that name a good reputation? Wasn’t it the name that defined them for two to three decades? Once I started asking myself those questions, I found that I didn’t want to part with my last name, it was mine and I wanted to keep it!
I still get questions all the time as to when I am going to change my name as though I have been lazy and forgotten to do something very important. The truth is, I don’t know when I am going to change my name, and I still don’t know if I am going to change my name. I like my husband’s last name, it’s a nice name and I wouldn’t be opposed to taking it in theory, but I just feel like my name is me and I’m not ready to give it up. Oh, and you may be wondering what my husbands thinks about all this. At first, I think he wanted me to change my name so that we would feel more like a family, but after discussing it with him and being married for the last nine months without a name change, he says my last name doesn’t bother him. He says I can keep it or change it, whatever I want to do is okay with him.
So, what do you think? Should I change my name or should I stick with it for a while? Did you change your name when you got married or did you keep your own? Perhaps you changed your name because of a life event like the birth of a child or the purchase of a home with your spouse? Let me know what you think in the comments!
I’ve thought about what I might do down the road, and I honestly don’t know. I like my name, frankly, and though I’m not well-known enough in my field to unquestionably keep my name, I am possibly building up to that. People can deal, though, if I decide to change it, I suppose xD Who knows; we’ll see when the time comes!
Thank you for writing this! A friend of mind shared a link for this post into her Facebook feed. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a number of years. I will be 34 by the end of the year and by far one of the last people I know my age to get married (which will probably happen next year). Though he hasn’t proposed yet, we have had very candid conversations about the name change. I have the same feelings that you have written about – who would this Laura [insert new, married name] be? I don’t know a Laura by that name. I know Laura [my maiden name] pretty well. I’ve been with her for a lifetime. I know what she’s about. She’s worked hard to make a name for herself professionally. Now to start over with last name 2.0? Seems like a hard pill to swallow.
I personally think that you are right, it is 2013! Do what you feel right doing. For your career if it makes sense keep it. As long As your hubby and you have discussed the issue and are both comfortable with keeping your last name then that is all that matters. I was married in 2008 and very much a traditionalist changed my name immediately. With that being said, it isn’t for everyone!! Do you! Just keep in mind it may become confusing to future children, but cross that bridge when you come to it. Keep people guessing, not everyone needs to know what your married name is. Congrats on the marriage! As long as your husband and you are happy and in love, everything else will fall in place.
The issue of a woman changing her last name due to marriage used to be because the woman belonged to the man she married. She was his property. However, for myself, I felt it was a status symbol showing that my husband and I were partners. We had 32 wonderful years before he passed away. Our two children also had the same last name, which showed we were a family. When we were dealing with our children’s schools, they were even surprised we all had the same last name.
My husband was the chairman for his high school reunion and said he was having trouble finding his female classmates because they got married. I explained to my daughter, “Well, if you pick the right man in the first place, you NEVER have to do it again.” For myself, my mother and grandmothers — I know I was right.